The Worry Trick Read online

  “If excessive worry affects the quality of your life, you owe it to yourself to get a copy of The Worry Trick by David Carbonell. A wise and caring teacher, Carbonell explains why the old, timeworn strategies to conquer worry don’t work very well, and why our best attempts to get rid of worry end up falling flat. In The Worry Trick, Carbonell teaches strategies that will most likely be new to you, and work amazingly well. Writing in a style that is both entertaining and easy to understand, Carbonell uses his wry sense of humor to great advantage. As I read the book, I marked many sections that provided valuable tools and insights, and others that made me smile or laugh out loud. I especially liked his comment that our strong-willed attempts to ‘stop worrying’ are like ‘trying to grab a greased pig on ice!’ So, if worry is affecting your life, don’t miss out on the solutions—and yes, the fun—you will find in The Worry Trick.”

  —Neal Sideman, self-help advocate, internationally known coach and teacher for people recovering from anxiety disorder, member of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), and former cochair of the ADAA Public Education Committee

  “Finally, someone has written a book about worry that I can give to my clients that I’m certain will be helpful to them as they struggle to better understand and deal with their constant worrying. So very many of my clients worry constantly and have searched in vain for tools and techniques to help them, but now Dave Carbonell has given them what they were looking for—a treasure chest of tips and ideas for handling worry. This is an eminently readable book that I’m sure I will recommend to many of my clients for years to come.”

  —Robert W. McLellarn, PhD, founder and director of the Anxiety and Panic Treatment Center, LLC, in Portland, OR

  “This is the best book on worry I have read. It has all you need to put an end to ongoing, painful, toxic worry. Carbonell speaks in a clear, witty, no-nonsense style, and explains why you have been unable to contain worry so far. He gives a comprehensive explanation of why the worry trick has fooled you into inadvertently keeping worry alive, even when you are trying so hard to make it go away. Read this book if you are a worrier, if you want to help a loved one who is a worrier, or if you are a professional treating a worrying client. There is no magic cure for ending worry—it takes effort and a good bit of courage, and it is easy to lose your way. This book is a flawless road map.”

  —Martin Seif, PhD, founder of the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA), associate director at the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center at White Plains Hospital, creator of Freedom to Fly, and coauthor of What Every Therapist Needs to Know About Anxiety Disorders

  “Thank you, Dave, for writing such a treasure of a book for those struggling with anxiety and out-of-control worry. Worry has a way of convincing those experiencing it that it is VERY SERIOUS and IMPORTANT and must be immediately attended to. The key to freeing oneself from worry is learning how to relate to it from a new perspective. This fabulous book, The Worry Trick, teaches readers how to move past worry by offering simple, easy-to-implement techniques. I plan on recommending it to all of my clients who struggle with uncomfortable, out-of-control worrying.”

  —Debra Kissen, PhD, MHSA, clinical director at Light on Anxiety Treatment Center, and coauthor of The Panic Workbook for Teens

  “Have you ever thought of yourself as having a relationship with worry? In The Worry Trick, David Carbonell turns worry into characters—Uncle Argument or even a flatworm—so that it becomes possible to figure out what to do and, most importantly, how to change that relationship. With a lively sense of humor, Carbonell offers vivid images and analogies to help readers understand and do something about changing that relationship with worry. In my work on mental skills for optimal performance with athletes, performing artists, and business executives, we often address issues of performance anxiety. After reading The Worry Trick, I started using many concepts with clients; it’s a book that I will strongly encourage my clients to read as well.”

  —Kate F. Hays, PhD, CPsych, CC-AASP, founder of The Performing Edge in Toronto, ON, Canada; and past president of the Society for Sport, Exercise, and Performance Psychology

  “No ‘tricks’ here! Carbonell’s book is chock-full of advice based on the two leading evidence-based psychological treatments (cognitive behavioral therapy and acceptance and commitment therapy) for anxiety and worry. He presents concepts derived from these treatments in an extremely easy-to-digest manner, using imaginative metaphors and clear examples from his clinical practice to help illustrate them. This makes The Worry Trick an excellent option—either as a stand-alone resource or as an adjunct to treatment—for people struggling with chronic worry, as well as for providers interested in broadening their knowledge and skills at treating it.”

  —Simon A. Rego, PsyD, ABPP, ACT, director of psychology training and the cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) training program at Montefiore Medical Center, and associate professor of clinical psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Albert Einstein College of Medicine in New York, NY

  “Highly accessible with a minimum of jargon and ‘psychobabble,’ Carbonell’s new book will benefit worriers of all stripes—from occasional ruminators to chronically anxious individuals with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or social, illness, or generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). The Worry Trick is written in an engaging, conversational style with abundant compassion and a terrific sense of humor. The author uses clever analogies and metaphors to simplify and bring to life scientifically based psychological concepts and interventions. His tone reflects decades of clinical experience helping anxious people build coping skills to achieve a more balanced perspective of their lives. The Worry Trick bridges the gap between more traditional cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for anxiety disorders and cutting-edge acceptance-based methods. I will be recommending it to hundreds of patients in my practice.”

  —David J. Kosins, PhD, licensed psychologist in Seattle, WA; clinical instructor in the departments of psychiatry and psychology at the University of Washington; and founding fellow and certified trainer/consultant at the Academy of Cognitive Therapy; with thirty-plus years in private practice, focusing on CBT for anxiety disorders

  “Dave Carbonell’s clear emphasis on theory and techniques to address worry as process has made a profound difference in my work with anxious clients. His witty and wise approach provides specific interventions that a therapist can apply immediately—while avoiding the trap of running in circles when we try to challenge the content of our clients’ worry themes.”

  —Carl Robbins, MS, MEd, LCPC, director of training at the Anxiety and Stress Disorders Institute of Maryland, approved licensed clinical professional counselor (LCPC) supervisor, and clinical instructor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine

  “I would recommend this book to all the patients at our center. Reading The Worry Trick will bring welcome education and direction to anyone experiencing anxiety and worry. Carbonell’s voice is concrete and calming in providing helpful information and practical strategies. It’s as if the reader is one of his patients, sitting together in a group in his office. His approach is clear, compassionate, and current. To read his book is to know how the anxious mind works and how one can work toward, and achieve, a life of liberation from worry. Wonderfully clear, wonderfully understandable—The Worry Trick is an encouraging and useful guide for helping readers sort through the complexities of their worried minds.”

  —Judy Lake Chessa, LMSW, coordinator at the Anxiety and Phobia Treatment Center at White Plains Hospital in White Plains, NY

  “Not only is Dave a friend; he is a collaborator, a fellow speaker, and he has a dry, witty sense about him. No wonder he figured out worry better than most p
eople have—he was able to see worry for what it was—a trick that we play on ourselves to try to make everything better only to actually make everything worse. Want to learn how to deal with your own worry, or how to help your patients deal with their worry? Read this book. Want to have great examples to give to your clients or to use in your own life? Read this book. Want to finally smile and laugh again? Do what Dave advises you to do.”

  —Patrick B. McGrath, PhD, clinical director of the Center for Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders (OCD) at Alexian Brothers Behavioral Health Hospital

  Publisher’s Note

  This publication is designed to provide accurate and authoritative information in regard to the subject matter covered. It is sold with the understanding that the publisher is not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal, or other professional services. If expert assistance or counseling is needed, the services of a competent professional should be sought.

  Distributed in Canada by Raincoast Books

  Copyright © 2016 by David A. CarbonellNew Harbinger Publications, Inc.5674 Shattuck AvenueOakland, CA 94609www.newharbinger.com

  Cover design by Amy Shoup

  Acquired by Melissa Kirk

  Edited by Christine Sabooni

  All Rights Reserved

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Carbonell, David A., author.

  Title: The worry trick : how your brain tricks you into expecting the worst

  and what you can do about it / David A. Carbonell.

  Description: Oakland, CA : New Harbinger Publications, Inc., [2016] |

  Includes bibliographical references.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2015039307| ISBN 9781626253186 (pbk. : alk. paper) | ISBN

  9781626253193 (pdf e-book) | ISBN 9781626253209 (epub)

  Subjects: LCSH: Worry. | Anxiety--Prevention.

  Classification: LCC BF575.W8 C296 2016 | DDC 152.4/6--dc23 LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015039307

  This book is for all those courageous souls who came to my office and opened my eyes to the ways of worry and anxiety. I have learned so much from you! I hope this captures some of it.

  Contents

  Foreword

  —Sally Winston, PsyD

  Introduction

  CHAPTER 1: The Worry Trick

  Worry: An Uninvited Guest

  You CAN Change Your Worry Habit

  What Is the Worry Trick?

  Danger or Discomfort?

  Fear of the Unknown

  Can You Predict the Future?

  How Worrying Backfires on You

  Worry Always Gets the Last Word!

  Meet the Worriers

  Case 1: Scott

  A Chronic Worrier

  Case 2: Ann

  Fearful of Being Judged

  Thinking It Over

  CHAPTER 2: It’s All In My Head—and I Wish It Would Leave!

  The Comparison Game

  The Content of Worries

  Are You an Equal Opportunity Worrier?

  Ordinary Worry: A Workable Relationship

  Chronic Worry: A Dysfunctional Relationship

  What Does Chronic Worry Do to You?

  The Struggle Is Not Just in Your Head

  Your Relationship with Worry

  How Do You Get to This Point?

  Relating to Thoughts

  Review Your Typical Worries

  Put Your Worries in a Lineup

  Cross-Examine Your Worries

  “Just the Facts, Ma’am”

  Feelings vs. Thoughts

  Thinking It Over

  CHAPTER 3: Your Dual Relationship with Worry

  The Two-Sided Relationship with Worry

  Stance 1: Treat the Worry as an Important Warning

  Arguing with the Worry

  Ritualistic Responses

  Internet Research (Googling)

  Consult Experts

  Consult “Non-Experts”—Friends, Family, Coworkers, and Neighbors

  Avoidance

  Cognitive Restructuring Taken Too Far

  Stance 2: Stop Thinking That!

  Distracting Yourself

  Thought Stopping

  Use of Substances

  Drugs and Alcohol

  Prescription Medications

  Comfort Foods

  Avoidance of Cues and Reminders

  Support People

  Support Objects

  Take Inventory

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 4: Feeling Afraid in the Absence of Danger: How Odd Is That?

  Fear for Sale

  It’s Only a Movie, But It Can Still Scare You

  Why Do I Have These Thoughts?

  What’s the Purpose of Anxiety?

  A False Prediction

  Is It All Your Fault?

  There’s More to the Brain Than You Think

  Meet Your Amygdala

  “Getting Through It” Misses the Point

  All Worry Means the Same Thing

  How Your Thoughts Are Fooling You

  Thinking It Over

  CHAPTER 5: Putting Out Fires with Gasoline, and the Rule of Opposites

  Is It You, or Your Methods?

  Counterintuitive Problems

  Attitudes about Thoughts

  Why Can’t You Just Control Your Thoughts?

  What Do We Really Control?

  Thinking: It’s Just What the Brain Does

  Rules of Life

  The Rule of Opposites

  How Can We Protect Against Danger?

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 6: The Mad Libs of Anxiety: Catch the Worries Before They Catch You

  What Are a Worrier’s Two Most Over-Used Words?

  Diagram the Worry Sentence

  Worrying About “What If?” Is Like a Game

  How Worry Baits You

  Count Your Worries

  The “Why?” Question

  Better Questions

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 7: Thinking About Thoughts

  Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Anxiety

  Identifying Worrisome Thoughts

  Changing Behavior

  Your Brain Is Not a Computer

  Paradoxical Therapy for Anxiety and Worry

  Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

  Defusing “Hot Button” Words

  Twists and Turns: How Thoughts Can Affect Behavior

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 8: Uncle Argument and Your Relationship with Worry

  What’s a Good Relationship with Worry?

  It’s Hard to Avoid Arguing

  The Opposite of Arguing

  Is That Okay with You?

  A New Way to Look at Worry

  Worry Is Like a Heckler

  Are You Being Heckled By Your Own Thoughts?

  Humoring the Worry

  Become Less Attached to Your Thoughts

  The Worry Experiment

  Repeating the Worry Usually Reduces Its Power!

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 9: AHA! Three Steps for Handling Chronic Worry

  Acknowledge and Accept

  Humor the Worrisome Thoughts

  Do You Worry about Playing with Worries?

  Activity—Resume Doing Things That Are Important to You (and Take the Worries with You If Necessary)

  Take Your Worries for a Walk

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 10: Your Daily Worry Workout

  Responding to Intermittent Worry

  Set Up Appointments for Worrying

  Watching Yourself Worry

  Why Would Anyone Do This?

  Common Reactions to Worry Appointments

  Breathing and Worry

  Build the Habit

  How Much Is Enough?

  It’s Not a Silver Bullet!

  Mindfulness Meditation

  Get in the Habit

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 11: The Worry Parasite


  How a Parasite Takes Over a Snail

  How Worry Takes Over Your Life

  The Parasitic Effects of Worrying

  This Invasion Began with Certain Beliefs

  It helps if I expect the worst.

  My worry can influence future events.

  If something bad happens and I hadn’t worried about it, I’ll feel guilty.

  Worry shows I care.

  Thoughts are always important.

  I am responsible for my thoughts.

  What Beliefs Do You Hold About Your Thoughts?

  Thinking It Over

  CHAPTER 12: Breaking the Secrecy Trap

  Are You Keeping Your Worries to Yourself?

  Keeping Secrets

  Secrecy and Shame

  Planning Self-Disclosure

  Guidelines to Give Your Support People

  Getting Support From Another Key Person

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 13: Specialized Worries: Sleep and Illness

  Worries About Sleep

  Sleep: Let it Happen, or Make it Happen?

  Setting Up Your Bedroom for Restful Sleep

  Creating a Before-Bed Routine

  Worry About Sleep is Just…Worry

  Worry on Awakening

  Worries about Illness

  Too Much of a Good Thing

  You Can’t Always Get What You Want

  Doubting Your Doctor and Taking the Bait

  Wanting 100 Percent Certainty

  Why Do I Do This to Myself?

  Avoiding a Good Thing

  White-Coat Syndrome

  Worry About Illness Is Just…Worry

  Don’t Hide Your Worry!

  Thinking It Over

  Chapter 14: Closing Thoughts: There’s Something Funny About Worry…

  Notes

  Foreword

  It gives me great pleasure to introduce this book. When I first got to see the manuscript, I became so excited that I wanted to start recommending it to most of my patients and virtually all the therapists I know even before it was printed. There is an ever-expanding variety of self-help books out there to choose among, but this is one that should not be overlooked. This is something radically original. There are so many little gems. Dr. Carbonell has a way of saying things that just makes you stop and reconsider long-held beliefs and practices. And who would expect that a book about worry could actually be fun to read? But chapter after chapter contains examples and descriptions of thought processes and typical absurd worry scenarios that evoke a gentle smile of recognition. The foibles of the typical anxious mind are described so astutely and so kindly that you just keep reading. And then he describes how to get out of worry loops in a way that is both counterintuitive and makes all the sense in the world.